I was revisiting an amazing lightbulb moment journal entry I had during a time while reading a Bible plan called “Get Out Of Your Head.” I’ll include link for that Bible plan at the end. But, in the meanwhile, I hope and pray that this post would open your mind and heart to pray and ask God how does He see you – specifically about how He see what you think are your shortcomings.

I was thinking about my kids – how, as parents, we patiently keep redirecting our kids to teach them. “Please put your toys away” or “Time to get ready for bedtime.” If I can act patiently with my kids even when I feel like I’m loosing it, then I can patiently keep stopping my thoughts when I start thinking in a negative way.

From there, God reminded me how much I love to hear that my kids look like me. LOLS – I really do. He took it a step farther and said I’m His daughter and I look like Him. That caught me off guard and I responded, “no way, I definitely don’t.. You’re not overweight and still looking pregnant four years after your last child was born!” I think I actually felt God roll His eyes and then patiently explain to me that my daughter is not my carbon copy, but she still looks just like me. I don’t know how to explain it, because I didn’t hear it but I felt His expression change. He very lovingly told me that I have been made “in the image of God.” My eyes reflect HIS love, compassion and kindness; My arms reflect HIS strength when I carry or hold my kids; My hands reflect HIS kindness when they reach out to help someone. When I stand strong even though my life is a mess, then I reflect HIS faithfulness! I was overwhelmed and excited and wanted to cry at the same time.

That itself was a lot to take in. But God wasn’t finished. There are so many areas that I don’t like about myself and God proceeded to challenge me, asking “Why? I made you and I LOVE you the way you are!” I begged to differ and pointed out how I get sleepy during church or family prayer and nod off. I really hate when I do that. It doesn’t even make sense because I’m not bored or sleepy beforehand. Until recently, I actually had to make sacrifices just to go to church and it felt like I defeated the purpose when, after all that effort and sacrifice, I attended service just to fall asleep. I begged, cried and prayed and nothing changed. So, I admit, I smirked at God and asked Him about that, does He love that too? I was expecting God to say something along the lines of how He’s not done working in me and to have faith that things will change. Instead, God acknowledged my struggles – not just in church, but in my life. God said He knew that I trusted Him completely and that I can fully relax when He’s around. So He gave me rest, just like it says in Psalms 23. And just like I love to watch my babies sleep, God was giving me rest and peace and watching me sleep in His presence. He was watching His baby sleep. Me.

I had grown up hearing and thinking that if you fall asleep in church, then you are bored or don’t have the Spirit of God in you. After all, can’t you stay awake while watching TV? Or when hanging out with your friends? God is supposed to be your best friend – how can you fall asleep when you’re with Him? As a result, I carried tremendous guilt for all the times I dozed off. But now God was saying He saw that and He wasn’t condemning me. God hit the ball out of the park and brought it all back home when I understood I had to retrain my thoughts to think of myself how God sees me. I am His child and it shows. He loves me unconditionally.

I wish I could write that after this realization, I am actually staying awake consistently. I may have to make an appointment with a sleep doctor at some point to understand myself better… Either way, God has set me free and it’s up to me to live in that freedom. I’ll wrap this up with what has become one of my favorite verses:

Don’t change yourselves to be like the people of this world, but let God change you inside with a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to understand and accept what God wants for you. You will be able to know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect. (Romans 12: 2 ERV)

And, as promised, the link for the Bible plan: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/18084-get-out-of-your-head